Dan, pardon the informality of this note, but I wanted to tell you that you are a genius. You really deserve the Nobel Prize in Physics for managing to create time. Yes! Einstein never did that. You have turned the Redskins into such an incompetent team that I can no longer bear to watch. When I compute it, that makes each week four hours longer. Over 16 weeks that is 64 hours. Just imagine all that I can accomplish.

I am not a fair weather fan. I stayed with them in the 50s and 60s when they weren’t very good. But they were entertaining. Now the only thing on the field entertaining is the Redskinettes. I could buy their calendar and still see them.

You have descended to such a level of incompetence that you qualify to be a member of the Trump cabinet. Such of your ethical decisions while owning this team means you measure up there, too. You have surrounded yourself with a cadre of “yes, men” and a team president Allen who seems totally outclassed as anything above locker room attendant.

What are the solutions? Move the team? With all the empty seats in the previously sold-out stadium, who would notice? Fire yourself? You’re much too arrogant to realize you are incompetent. Maybe your wife could do better. Why not give her a shot?

At the very least, fire everyone on the staff from Allen on down. As for the players, trade everyone for future draft picks who could bring you a 3rd round pick or above. The research shows the most successful teams are that way because they trade down and get lots of picks. With enough picks maybe a monkey could help you choose.

Finally, I know you will be looking for a new head coach. Let me offer my younger brother, Bill. He has been an assistant football coach in high school for many years and dealt with much adversity, so it is time for him to move up. Could he do any worse? He might even be able to bring a couple of promising high schoolers with him. And, oh yeah, he has a grandson Riley who is already involved in youth football so he should be ready in ten years. And his grandma, Janice, is good at keeping game statistics.

Thanks for listening, Dan.

PS My wife is enjoying my extra time a lot.